Gunning the XR3i to Southend


Drew had a wonderful vent at trance last week. Much as I dislike trance, it’s Jazz Funk and its bastard son Acid Jazz that have a special dark place in my heart. A ridiculous amalgam of the worst jazz noodliness, with funk’s “hey laydeez” sleaziness and a pop sheen that even Simon Cowell would think a tad superficial.

A genre infected by saxophones, thumbed bass and mindlessly mediocre harmonies. Its proponents included Level 42, Shakatak and Freeez. I blame you Robbie Vincent and Gilles Peterson. You should have been championing New Wave. But no. You wanted air-headed music for the drive down to Essex in your XR3i. You wanted to feel the swing of your ridiculous cloth belt. In white. That needed re-colouring weekly with that stuff squaddies use. Spending ages to adjust it with your jumper tucked in and getting that right amount of belt to swing below the buckle and point at your todger. No wonder I never left the house in the early 80s.


Joor Nitth has foresaken his usual UK Garage thing for a bit of retro tuneage in a jazz funk style. It’s all there. The smoothness. The flute break. The funk bass. The free download.


■ Lyrics & vocals by Calendargirl, used with permission.
■ Music, virtual instruments programming, mastering and artwork by Joor Nitth.
■ Original Acappella:
■ Lyrics:
■ Tamara Barnett-Herrin:

Having been a Jazz-Funk estimator since many years and feeling a need to take a break from UK Garage for a short while, here’s my unworthy attempt at composing “real music” (although all instruments are virtual: oh, the irony). Sounding worse than a crappy amateur band, this is my voucher valid for losing 100 followers in a couple of days. Well, I hope not and… no real instruments have been harmed during the production of this song.

~ by acidted on January 29, 2014.

8 Responses to “Gunning the XR3i to Southend”

  1. HE’S THE KINDEST PERSON IN THE WORLD! STOP PUSHING JOOR NITTH AROUND or I’ll.. or I’ll.. erm.. how big are you, coincidentally?

    Ok, I was joking. I’m a believer in the old adage ‘de gustibus non est disputandum’, but still I think this is a case of different cultural contexts. From what you write, it seems like acid jazz was the music of choice of Essex boy-racers-turned-yuppies. In my country it became the middle ground where dance producers and jazz musicians could meet in the name of sonic experimentation and the common love of soundtrack music (incidentally, Riz Ortolani died a few days ago, R.I.P.), electronics and groove, which led to one of the healtiest periods for Italian music of recent times.

    And for the record, that Joor Nitth tune is a perfectly fine slice of broken-beat, in my humble opinion, which would sound even better if only I had an XR3i to drive around listening to it (okay, I’ll stop..).

  2. If I were a woman, I’d love this man (metaphorically speaking): he detests Jazz-Funk with passion, then spend the time to write a comprehensive review. Others would have just rejected it without a reply. Madonna was indeed right: “If your joy is derived from what society thinks of you, you’re always going to be disappointed.” But well, I wholeheartedly agree that this track isn’t really to be compared to any of the big names quoted above: it was just an experiment, I’m pretty conscious of my limits, I can’t even read a music score and I’ve gone all by ear. In fact I hadn’t thought to promote it at all, I had only sent it to my closest friends and favorite bloggers as a friendly share and… surprise! I’m getting more love with this one than with the previous works. Mysteries of music! Oh, and thanks AcidTed, btw!

    As for your comment, Luca, many thanks for your support: I’m flattered! I am far to be the kindest person in the world. My personal choices and inspirations, concerning Jazz-Funk, were more on the side of early Eddie Henderson’s tunes, Herbie Hancock (of course) and George Duke. I promise I’ll leave Jazz-Funk for people with properly grown attributes, later.

    • Joor (hey, I’m on first name terms with an artist!), if I may, given the fact that you said this tune was actually well received, I think you shouldn’t give up this style of producing altogether. Maybe you could do a Mike Paradinas and use a different moniker for your excursions off the beaten UK Garage path. They say it’s better not to keep all one’s eggs in one basket..

  3. Luca, thank you for the suggestion:
    I agree that your idea is the best choice, although my productions are rather sporadic, lately, that I doubt I would make any profitable use of it. Do you have a profile at SoundCloud?

  4. Frankly, I’m surprised you haven’t already blocked my increasingly annoying comments here! You’re just too kind but, as I said before, this is YOUR blog and what makes it special is the unique personality of its owner. What I can do is promise that if and when I’ll come up with an idea for something suitable for Acid Ted I’ll do my best to develop it and then submit it to you.

    Keep well and thanks for everything: this blog keeps getting better and better, me notwithstanding.

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